for Q

[lepidopterologist]

For some time now, Harry had been considering a talk with Bond. The flirting did not go unnoticed, it seemed stronger every day. As did Q's discomfort, Harry thought, though that was also harder to judge... and Harry felt as if he were possibly the least qualified person in the world to give someone advice about this sort of thing.

Eventually, though, he decided that what he was mostly concerned about Q's wellbeing. Which he found he cared a great deal about.

He'd decided that he did want to check on Q. So he fell into step with him as they inadvertently met up on the way to home from the beach. "Good morning, Q," he said pleasantly.

Comments

[cuppa_q]

"I don't think it's terrible, after all, your taste has always been questionable," Q teased, his tone mistakingly betraying the fact that he couldn't stay mad at James, no matter how much of a bastard the double-o was.

"Besides, not all relationships are sexual, and this is all very new. We're all still learning to live and work with one another."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry was glad he had his back to them at the moment. He was quite close to feeling utterly humiliated.

"Q," he said quietly, turning just enough so that he could catch his eyes. "If I hadn't spoken up, you might never have given me a second thought, in that way."

[0_0_7]

"He may have," Bond replied, then looked at Q. "My taste is hardly questionable. I have excellent taste," he protested.

He did. In liquor, in women, and even in this foreign territory of love he thought he had impeccable judgment.

[cuppa_q]

"I noticed you were handsome the first time we met, Harry- You've no idea if I would have, or already had thought of you in any particular way," Q assured him, a touch defensive.

The boffin frowned slightly, then looked down at the table. "Perhaps I ought to be the one who leaves, since I am apparently the issue here."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry sighed. "The two of you have been dancing around this since long before I came into the picture. I believe that makes me the problem." He shifted his gaze to Q, expression softening. "I can't help what I feel. But I never expected anything to come of it, and I just want you to be happy."

[0_0_7]

Bond snorted. "We'll never be happy, he scoffed. "Not in this line of work. Best we can hope for is stable, and we all know that won't last. So what I must ask is...how stale can three people be?"

Three plus the dozens of synthetics he'd had in the last weeks, but he wasn't going to admit to that.

[cuppa_q]

For once, Q couldn't help but agree with Bond. Happy wasn't likely in the cards for any of them, not for more than the few moments they could find here and there.

"Perhaps instead of drawing lines in the sand here and there, we just... We just coexist for now and let life take us wherever it will," Q suggested. "Bond's not wrong, happy isn't something anyone in our field gets the pleasure of being terribly often. It's a rare pleasure. I feel safe here though, with both of you. I feel more certain that returning to London is a possibility when we're all together. More than sex, love, or any other pleasures- I think I need that. I need that, and if any of the other things follow, I'll simply be grateful that I could have more than just peace of mind."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry really didn't know how to react to this. He had a feeling that Bond would prefer to just push him over a cliff as opposed to coexisting. And as for how he felt about it... it was a kind of complication he had no experience with and wasn't sure would be good for his emotional wellbeing. Though suppressing his feelings for Q hadn't been that great either.

"I'm... a bit at a loss," he finally said. Then he glanced at Bond. "Though I think I may need to sleep with one eye open." And he only had one eye anyway.

[0_0_7]

Bond hated it. Coexist? He was far too possessive for that.

But it did make sense, and he imagined that if he was to ever have a worthy opponent, it would be Harry. He loved Q, or maybe he only fancied he did, though he was quite certain after playing out scenario after scenario with the replicants that he did indeed love Q. Perhaps a compromise wasn't beyond reason.

Even if he did want to punch Harry's placid face until he was barely recognizable.

"If you think that's best, Q," he said hesitantly.

[quartermaster_q]

"I've no idea if it's best, but it feels right. Sometimes one has to simply go with their gut feeling," Q said softly. "As for sleeping with one eye open, we can all be adults here, can't we, James,?"

[lepidopterologist]

Harry glanced at Bond again, and knew that just as he thought Bond unworthy of Q, Bond thought the same of him, though for entirely different reasons.

Honestly he didn't expect this to change much. He found that he still didn't think that Q would actually want him. So the question was simply if he'd be able to stand it when Q and Bond finally stopped fighting their desires. He honestly wasn't sure.

He didn't say anything.

[0_0_7]

"I imagine so," he replied. Jack was being a bit of a nuisance at his ankle and he bent to pat the pup. "I've never had a problem going with my gut, as I'm sure you know, Q. I've disregarded you in my ear enough times."

He gathered the dog up and held him close while the pup tried to lick his face.

"Harry, I'm sure you've nothing to fear."

[cuppa_q]

Q sighed, pushing his hair back and looking away from the pair. He was silent for a long moment, and his gaze remained a million miles away even as he finally spoke again.

"You know back in London, before six, I was... I was a mess, honestly. I spent my days surrounded by tech, looking into things that could have landed me behind bars and my nights with older men who I pretended cared about me. ...That's not in any of my files. Not something you could look up about me. It's true though, I spent a very long time looking for things from people who had no interest in giving them to me. Some of them had wives, many of them had jobs they wouldn't dare risk by being caught with some teenager. So there is something about sitting in a room with two men of a certain age who do, apparently, have a genuine interest in me. ...I say that not to be cocky, but to make my position better understood, I think." he said, finally forcing himself to look at James, and then Harry. "It's hard not to be greedy after you've been starved, I suppose."

[lepidopterologist]

Unexpectedly, Harry felt a stab of guilt at that confession.

It was possible he'd been one of those men once - not with Q, of course. But he was both closeted and in a job where it was against the code to have relationships, to let yourself to get too close to anyone. Every tryst he'd ever had in his life - it hadn't meant anything. When he felt himself wanting more, or felt the other man wanting more, he cut it off. Perhaps this was why these trysts had been so sparing.

Harry was convinced that this would all shake out in a way that did not include him, in the end. But he couldn't make himself walk away either. What he'd told Q had been right - he didn't know how to form relationships, not the way normal people did. The fact that he'd gotten so close to Q, that he was so comfortable with him, that wasn't something he was willing to give up. At least, not yet. Not until it started causing him more pain than comfort. Which might not be far off, considering how complicated this was getting.

"Honestly..." he said after a moment, "I find this all too alien to even be able to object properly."

Then he looked at Bond. "And you needn't worry, I don't fear you." The words were not a threat exactly, but he hoped that by now the man knew not to underestimate him.

[0_0_7]

Bond thought it a bit funny that Q would say he felt greedy when he kept him at arm's length. Boundaries. Stolen kisses...clear desire but no trust. Q may be flattered that he was wanted, but Bond wanted more.

Oddly enough, this was just the right carrot to dangle in front of him.

"You're serious," he realized. "That we three should come to some sort of arrangement." He looked at Q, then at Harry, then back again. He found himself in quite the spot. He was a selfish man and when forced to realize this wasn't all about him...well, that hit him harder than any of Q's talk about boundaries.

"All right then," he finally said, though it didn't quite sound like he was agreeing. Just accepting.

[quartermaster_q]

"If we were all to proceed, I do think it would be good for us to share some intimate space on occasion. Not specifically in a sexual way, but in a way that encourages bonding. Sharing a bed on occasion, for example. That might actually be a good place to start. ... Something to consider during dinner, at the very least," Q suggested.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry was entirely taken off guard by this. Deer in headlights. He hadn’t really been considering this in terms of the three of them... and he’d been fairly certain that by now Bond would like to see him disappear. And he wasn’t all that fond of Bond either... except for how attractive he was. That was difficult to deny.

So all he said was, “I should get back to cooking.”

[0_0_7]

About the time Harry spoke, Bond did too. He snorted in amusement and shook his head.

"You make it sound like some sort of team building corporate retreat, Q. Encourage bonding? You think cramming us all into one bed is going to make us a unit?" he asked, laughing softly.

[quartermaster_q]

Q looked stung by that, and he fell silent as he looked down at his hands.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry saw the expression on Q’s face, and put a gentle hand on his arm. “This is a lot,” he said quietly.

[0_0_7]

Bond reached for the bottle and poured himself another glass. He thought it was a bit ludicrous to think of all of them in bed together when Q couldn't stand to be in bed with him alone. Though, then a creeping doubt took him over. Maybe he wanted to sleep with Harry and maybe suggesting the three of them together might make it more palatable? Could that be it? Surely not. No, Q was being too raw to be that callous.

He swallowed the entire glass and poured another.

"I think..." he started, then took a deep breath. "I think I need a cigarette while Harry gets dinner ready."

What he needed was to think this through. Harry was quite right. This was a lot.

[quartermaster_q]

Q sat silently, watching Bond go for his cigarette, and trying to let Harry's touch center him. ...It didn't, but he wasn't certain anything could right now.

He wished he had his laptop and a strong signal, then none of this would matter. He could shut it all out and just get lost in his own world until this mess faded away.

[lepidopterologist]

"You're upset," Harry observed, his voice gentle, as he pulled his hand away.

[quartermaster_q]

"No," Q insisted quietly. "I'm not upset, I understand this is a complex issue and an unorthodox solution."

[lepidopterologist]

"It also has only been about twenty minutes since you've known how I feel," Harry said. "And you seemed surprised, so I can only assume you hadn't thought much on it before this..." He pushed his glasses up on his nose. "This might not even matter, if there's nothing there between us. So perhaps that's a first step."