Q

[lepidopterologist]

Harry was feeling very good about his burgeoning relationship with Nyx - it was casual, still, and he doubted that Nyx was interested in anything serious - but he still found himself frequently thinking of Q. It wasn't as if things had ended badly, in fact they hadn't really ended at all. And it wasn't as if that had ever been serious either, Harry had just.... hoped that it might be. Or maybe he was just realizing now that he actually missed him, which was not something he was accustomed to feeling when he dated.

Maybe this was why, when he found himself walking by a cafe the two of them had been to once, he found himself stopping even though he had no need for coffee. He and Q hadn't been planning to stop here either, they'd been on their way somewhere else, but it was raining, and they'd ended up getting coffee and scones and just sitting in here for hours, missing whatever they'd been planning to do before.

He bought a coffee, and the same type of scone that Q had raved about before, and then sighed to himself and stepped outside. And immediately saw Q.

It was just such a coincidence and so unexpected that he was visibly startled. "Oh, I - hello," he said, awkwardly holding the coffee in one hand and a scone wrapped in paper in the other.

Comments

[lepidopterologist]

Harry didn't want to fight with him either. James, on the other hand...

He was momentarily distracted by the information. "Really," he said. He sighed. "Christ. It fits the pattern."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"It's certainly concerning," Q agreed. "The destination is one of the ports in London, but when I attempted to trace the order back, it was linked to an American corporation. ...Does that align with any of the other shipments you've seen?"

[lepidopterologist]

"We've seen evidence of an American shell company," Harry said with a sigh.

He looked at Q for a moment and then said, "I appreciate you sharing this with me. I don't want to put you at risk though. You don't think anyone has caught on?"

Anyone, including James.

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"Not as far as I'm aware, but I admit I've been more cautious lately- Working from home, if you know what I mean."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry nodded. And then after a moment he asked, "To your knowledge does anyone know that I'm behind Kingsmen?"

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"Not as far as I know, no. Your file at six, at least the one I have access to, doesn't say much that you couldn't find on Wikipedia. There's a small amount of redacted information, but that predates what little information six has gathered on Kingsmen," Q assured him.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry was relieved to hear that.

He nodded. "Good. And - to my knowledge, James has no idea either."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

Q nodded, because James hadn't said anything about it to him, it hadn't even come up in conversation at work. James seemed uninterested, and Q didn't say so, but he thought that might be best. If James decided it was his concern, he wouldn't leave it be until he dug to the very bottom.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry supposed that was a relief. Though he also suspected that James didn't think him capable of anything but making money.

He hesitated, and then said, "Q, are you interested in seeing me again? Romantically, I mean."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"I'm interested- Are you?" he asked seriously. "Or are you going to think of him whenever you see me?"

[lepidopterologist]

"I can't say you remind me of him," Harry said honestly.

He hesitated, and then reached across the table and took Q's hand. "I've miss you," he said. "And that has nothing to do with him."

Pause. He didn't really want to ask this. But. "But you said he has ground rules."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

Q had been smiling, but it faded a little at the reminder of the rules.

"Yeah, yes, um... He says he doesn't care who I see, and that I'm allowed to be intimate with others... As long as they don't fuck me. It can be anything else, even me fucking them, but... He thinks that should be his alone."

And Q had agreed, because in the moment he hadn't really cared- But he'd been aware even in the moment that James had demanded that because he knew Q's preferences in the bedroom.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry didn't react for a long moment and then he finally said, "I suppose if that's acceptable to you, then you've made your choice."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

Q was quiet for a moment, nodding slightly. He looked uneasy though, self conscious and a bit unsure of the choices he was making.

"It's not like he's got me in a chastity belt..." he added.

[lepidopterologist]

There was no question that Harry was more upset than he'd been a few moments before. Not angry, but upset.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts, and then finally said, "I want to be very clear. I do not want you for sex. I care about your. A... great deal, actually. If you told me that you never wanted me to fuck you again, I would accept that."

He shook his head. "But this, this is different. It isn't about what we can or can't do, it's about what it means that you give him this power over you."

He looked down at his hands. "I won't - I won't begrudge you if you love him. But I also can't put myself through attempting to win you over when there's no point."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"Win me over?" Q countered. "For a start, I'm not a prize, but what makes you think I want to be with just one person? When have I ever said as much?"

[lepidopterologist]

Harry sighed. "That's not what I meant. But you're right, I actually didn't think that's what you wanted, which is why I'm surprised to hear that you've let him set these boundaries for you."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

Q glanced away, then shrugged one shoulder. "It's just- Part of this game we play. He calls me his, like an owner, not just a lover, and- I like it," he admitted, refusing to be embarrassed as he said it. "I don't even know if he really means it, but- I like it. I like the rules, I like the game. I like- I like that bit of control he has."

[lepidopterologist]

"Yes," said Harry after a moment. "Yes, I know exactly what that feels like."

"But it isn't true that you aren't taken," he said quietly. "If he owns you. You very much are."

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"If that's how you feel, then maybe it's best we end things," Q said, not willing to argue about it. He'd said how he felt, that he wasn't committed to any single person, that he was still going to see other people- If that wasn't enough for Harry, he understood, but he wouldn't sit and debate it with him.

Quietly, he offered his hand.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry couldn't bring himself to take his hand.

It was pathetic. But he didn't care.

"If we were to see each other, would you agree not to tell him?" he asked quietly.

[qu4r73rm4573r]

"Harry, he already knows," Q sighed, looking frustrated.

[lepidopterologist]

"Yes, I'm aware," said Harry shortly. "And I would imagine it's why was making little jabs about my love life when I ran into him last week."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm trying to... I just. I've missed you. Very much. I feel like you're someone I could love, Q. But I think perhaps that's not on the table anymore."

He just didn't see how it could be, with these constraints. It wasn't that it was about sex. But allowing James to tell him what he could and couldn't do with his body - how could there be room for anyone else?

[qu4r73rm4573r]

Q flinched a bit when Harry's tone sharpened, looking upset and falling silent.

"I missed you too," he said finally, "That wasn't a lie. I'm not going to leave him just because you don't like him though. And I understand if something being off-limit is a deal breaker for you, but you have to just say that. You can't sit here and make me feel guilty for getting involved with someone else. If you want me to talk to him about it, to tell him I need exceptions, I will, but Harry I don't know if I want to if you're going to make me feel guilty about things I didn't even know you'd care about. I mean, I'd barely seen you, you'd barely seen me. I wasn't even sure we were anything but friends anymore- And I don't blame you for that, I know I've been unavailable to, but- I don't like your tone about all this. I'm not yours. I'm not even sure I'm his, I'm just- I'm seeing how it goes."

[lepidopterologist]

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty..."

Harry was totally at a loss. "This isn't about you being involved with someone else, it's about pretending that you're still free to do what you like when you're letting him control you - "

He winced. "I'm sorry. I just - I know what it's like. And I do care about you, so much."