for Q

[lepidopterologist]

For some time now, Harry had been considering a talk with Bond. The flirting did not go unnoticed, it seemed stronger every day. As did Q's discomfort, Harry thought, though that was also harder to judge... and Harry felt as if he were possibly the least qualified person in the world to give someone advice about this sort of thing.

Eventually, though, he decided that what he was mostly concerned about Q's wellbeing. Which he found he cared a great deal about.

He'd decided that he did want to check on Q. So he fell into step with him as they inadvertently met up on the way to home from the beach. "Good morning, Q," he said pleasantly.

Comments

[cuppa_q]

"Oh, um, well... Fine," Q replied, not sure how much he ought to share about the current state of his personal life. "I've been combing the beach in hopes of finding things to further my understanding f where we are, and items I can use to build a method of communication. I'm still hoping to build a radio."

[lepidopterologist]

"I think if anyone here could accomplish such a thing, it would be you," Harry said. "Is this why you've seemed a bit... distracted, lately?"

[cuppa_q]

It was not, but Q didn't want to say that, nor did he want to lie to Harry.

"It... Is probably a contributing factor," he said, choosing his words with care.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry nodded, his back turned to Q for the time being while he poured boiling water into a teapot. Then he finally turned around and said, "There's something else, though. It's James, isn't it? I understand if you don't want to talk about it, and I'm probably the least qualified person here to give you any kind of advice, I just - I was concerned about you."

[cuppa_q]

The boffin's cheeks burned faintly pink at that, and he cleared his throat before answering.

"James and I are dealing with some, what one might call, interpersonal issues," he said carefully, glancing away. "It's fine though, we're working through it with a level of maturity I'd not expected."

...Except for that part where Q had gotten drunk and vomited in James' hotel room. That part hadn't been especially mature, he supposed.

[lepidopterologist]

"I don't want to see him hurt you," Harry said, and his voice was neutral, but it was the same neutral tone that he had used many times to threaten.

[cuppa_q]

"I don't think he would, not intentionally," Q assured him. "It's just... It's complicated."

The boffin was silent a beat, then glanced away, as though embarrassed. "We did kiss though," he confessed.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry turned back to take down two tea cups and pour the tea, in part so that Q couldn't see whatever reaction might have crossed his face.

"And that's... good? Bad?" Harry said as he turned back around. He handed Q one of the full teacups.

[cuppa_q]

"It was good, but- it's also possibly a very stupid thing to have done," Q admitted, thanking him as he took the tea.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry took a sip of his own tea. "You said, we kissed. Stupid for both of you?"

[cuppa_q]

"Yes, it was mutual. ...It might have actually happened more than once," Q confessed, looking down into his tea.

[lepidopterologist]

"Do you want him, Q?" Harry asked after a moment. He didn't expect to give useful advice, but he needed to know that, just to wrap his head around this whole thing.

[cuppa_q]

"I've wanted him since the day I met him," Q admitted. "I just- I know it's a terrible idea. I know it's a mistake waiting to happen."

[lepidopterologist]

"I don't want to begrudge you any happiness," Harry said. "I just - I know men like him. Many of them. And I feel that you deserve someone who - well, who is something else, perhaps."

[cuppa_q]

"Someone without a licence to kill, perhaps?" Q quipped flatly. "It's alright, I know it's a poor choice. I'm not about to leap into anything, I know better than that. James is keen to prove himself to me though, and I- I'm expecting him to grow bored of me soon enough. I fear I'm a conquest to him, and I suppose I could put an end to it all by simply allowing him to conquer me- After all, that is what part of me wants- However, my pride has gotten in the way of that. I don't want to be discarded."

[lepidopterologist]

"Of course you don't," said Harry. "I'm sorry, I know this is none of my business. You just seem so off balance, so distracted."

[cuppa_q]

"No, it's nice to talk about it," Q confessed. "It's nice to know someone is concerned as well. I'm just sorry if I've made you uncomfortable in any way."

[lepidopterologist]

"You haven't made me uncomfortable, I only... wish there was something useful I could offer you. Not even an insight into a man with a license to kill, I'm afraid - I can tell you how he operates with a weapon, but beyond that he's quite foreign to me." Harry had never been promiscuous, not even in the line of work. But he knew even less about actual feelings.

[cuppa_q]

"I don't expect advice," Q assured him. "Honestly, even if you had all the answers and the best advice anyone could offer on the topic, I'm not certain I could promise to take it. The heart is a complex thing, and lust... Well, lust is dangerous isn't it? It's so very easy to give into the thrill of a kiss and the temptation of pure ecstasy."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. And then offered a small, wistful smile. "I suppose it could be. When I was your age... well, it wasn't so simple then." He sometimes wondered what it would be like, to be a young, gay man now. His early twenties were the early eighties. He'd never come out. Actually, he supposed he still hadn't.

[cuppa_q]

"It's still not exactly easy," Q assured him with a soft smile. "It is better though, I can't deny that. ...I do keep it quiet though usually, at work anyway."

[lepidopterologist]

"The Kingsmen remain rather... old fashioned," Harry said. "I never thought - well. I supposed I'm the very model of a repressed brit. Perhaps I should advise you to be more daring lest you wind up like me."

[cuppa_q]

"Are you lonely, Harry?" Q asked softly, his voice taking on a tone of concern that was often felt but seldom heard.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry hesitated. "I suppose so. Well, no more here than I've always been. Is there a difference between being lonely, and being alone?"

[cuppa_q]

"I think so, yes," Q replied, reaching across the table and resting his hand atop Harry's. "Being alone can be peaceful, but being lonely- That can eat at you."